Was Gabby Petito a Victim of Domestic Abuse?

In the wake of the discovery of Gabby Petito's body and the release of the coroner's report stating the cause of death as homicide via strangulation, the world now believes Brian Laundrie killed his fiancée, Gabby. As well, with the YouTube availability of the bodycam footage from what has been dubbed the "Moab Incident" involving Utah authorities and Laundrie & Petito two weeks prior to her death, the world is also convinced Gabby suffered physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her #VanLife co-inhabitant, Laundrie. In the same vein, Gabby's parents have recently established the Gabby Petito Foundation, whose mission statement, in part, is to "provide aid to organizations that assist victims of domestic violence situations, through education, awareness, and prevention strategies." Inarguably, a worthwhile cause. But is the perception of Gabby as a domestic violence victim accurate, or are we merely inclined to infer as much because she was ultimately murdered (with Laundrie named as "a person of interest")? 

Since 2017, the cultural response to sex-related crimes against women has changed dramatically, thanks to the #MeToo and #Time'sUp movements. As we've witnessed the downfall of industry giants from Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and Jeffrey Epstein to prominent doctors like Larry Nassar, a destigmatization of sexual abuse victims has developed and more women have been emboldened to come forward and/or report their experiences. Not only has the shame surrounding victimization diminished, but, thankfully, intolerance and illegality of any type of abuse against women has reached an all-time high in our society. But has the flood of abuse cases exposed during the #MeToo movement trained us to indiscriminately perceive abuse in every toxic heterosexual relationship? 

In the high-profile true crime homicides which have occurred since #MeToo, domestic abuse has been heavily proposed, but not evidenced, in each of the cases involving a female victim murdered, allegedly, by her male partner: Sha'nann Watts, Kelsey Berreth (killed by fiancé Patrick Frazee), and Suzanne Morphew (trial is currently pending). It is only natural - and prudent - to question whether a pattern of abuse existed in relationships that have ended in murder, a paradigm established not necessarily by the recent social justice movement, but by the landmark Nicole Brown Simpson murder and subsequent trial of the mid-nineties. However, in other highly publicized, alleged partner-homicide cases of the new millennium prior to #MeToo - such as Laci Peterson, Kathleen Peterson, Sheri Coleman, and Susan Powell - discussion of possible domestic abuse was all but absent. Conclusively, the recent, massive exposure of rampant sexual abuse to women has shaped our cognition of other situations and crimes involving female victims. In each of the aforementioned millennial homicide cases, before and after #MeToo, though major problems obviously figured into the relational demises, no prior reports or indications of domestic violence existed between any of the couples. Until Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie. 

If we want to get technical, when romantic partners are involved, a murder itself constitutes "domestic violence." But, the question is whether there was a history of such violence. And, in the Petito/Laundrie relationship, there was. Sort of. Notably, the Moab, Utah Incident is, thus far, the only example of volatile physicality between the couple to have surfaced - (eye-witness reports about Brian Laundrie's confrontational behavior toward a Wyoming restaurant's wait staff on the possible day of Petito's disappearance do not include aggression towards Gabby). But the incident provides much insight into the relationship and illustrates quite a different narrative than news viewers and the true crime community have been willing to accept. Moab authorities on the scene had concluded Gabby, not Brian, was the aggressor in the altercation; but, because of Gabby's murder a mere two weeks later (possibly at the hands of her fiancé), the responding officers are now being blamed by the public for failure to recognize and protect a victim of domestic abuse. Indeed, such outrage was expressed at the Moab police's handling of the dispute after the bodycam footage was released, the city of Moab has launched an investigation into a potential law enforcement breach during the matter. 

The truth is, the Moab authorities got it right. Gabby was the primary aggressor. And Gabby herself admits as much in the video: 

1.) Immediately upon being approached in the van by officers during the traffic stop, she apologetically offers that she'd distracted Brian as he was driving, which resulted in his swerving and striking the curb.

2.) Later during separate questioning of each individual, she admits to having hit Brian in the arm as he was driving (but denies his account that she'd grabbed the wheel).

3.) When given the opportunity to confirm a caller's initial - later, amended - report that Brian had assaulted her as they were "squabbling" outside the van at a grocery store prior to the traffic stop, Gabby instead clarifies she had been the one hitting him, and that Brian grabbed her face (attributing to a cut on her cheek from his nail), but hadn't slapped or punched her.

    Also factoring in to police's theory that Gabby was the aggressor are the visible swollen eye and scratches on Brian's face, neck, and arm; when questioned about these, he explains Gabby had been hitting him outside the grocery store with her phone, but he's "not complaining" - (in other words, he's not intentionally pointing fingers to get Gabby into trouble.) 

In the video, Brian's general version of events is that Gabby "gets worked up sometimes" and, earlier that morning, he'd been trying to distance himself from her, confiscating the van keys and physically pushing her away - which he accepts full accountability for - until she'd taken "a breather." As Petito is quite hysterical, distraught, and tearful during the entirety of the approximate seventy-five minute traffic stop, even describing herself as having "O.C.D. and anxiety," Laundrie's account is entirely plausible. In fact, Petito's only contradiction of Laundrie's narrative is that they'd "been fighting all morning" (not having "a nice morning," as he'd recounted); she never attempts to implicate him for assault. Instead, she pours out her frustrations about Brian, namely that he doesn't believe she can succeed at the social media vlogging she's working on and that he "stresses [her] out." Hardly signs of domestic brutality. He'd been telling her to "shut up" and "calm down" as she was becoming increasingly agitated, thus provoking her to slap him a few times, she reveals. In the end, no charges were filed by officers, neither party involved in the dispute wanted to press charges, and the couple were free to reunite after a forced night of separation. 

The majority of viewers of the bodycam footage are convinced Gabby's behavior during the Moab Incident is typical of an abuse victim who's covering for her abuser by shouldering the responsibility for an escalation. Because Brian says to officers, "She's crazy," and Gabby readily admits her struggles with anxiety, viewers have construed gaslighting and psychological abuse within the relationship which have cultivated the self-recrimination we witness from Gabby. If Gabby was so submissive to Brian, why, when faced with the threat of potential criminal charges being filed against her, didn't she then change her story to paint Brian as the bad guy? Abuse victims, no matter how severely traumatized and brainwashed they are, do not commonly take the legal rap to protect their abusers. They often drop charges against their violent partner, but they don't voluntarily go to jail for them. (Oh, something else battered women don't typically do: risk further harm to themselves by engaging in arguments or fighting back and assaulting their partners.) 

Short of conjuring clairvoyant abilities that would illuminate Gabby's fate, what more could Moab authorities have done in a situation where neither party expressed fear for their safety, their stories weren't conflicting, and they didn't wish to split up (even for one night)? Utah LEOs are required by law in incidents of domestic violence to either make an arrest or issue a citation, which they can do if the victim is no longer in serious danger or if the victim has not sustained serious injury. The officers didn't want to take Petito to jail, but had to separate the couple because they resided in the same van; they followed procedure by issuing a no-contact order to the couple until Laundrie could arrive at police headquarters the following day and sign a waiver removing the protective order. The cop who ultimately decided not to arrest or cite Petito thought he was cutting her a break; even though the crime carried the weight of a class B misdemeanor, the domestic violence battery element would have enhanced the citation, remaining on her criminal record for at least three years even if the charges were dropped or she was acquitted in court. The reason law enforcement could not have intervened to prevent Gabby and Brian's outcome is because domestic abuse wasn't the predominant issue at play; mental health was, and the primary responding officer evaluated as much in his report. Two emotionally unstable people in a dysfunctional, co-dependent romance will continuously be drawn together, perpetuating the cycle of break-ups and reunions with increasing volatility, until the relationship eventually combusts, just as Gabby and Brian's did.

Not only has Gabby's death subsequent to the Moab Incident informed public criticism of law enforcement's decisions during the encounter, but Gabby's very appearance has been an influence. Images of this pretty, vivacious, young woman have infused our collective consciousness through media coverage of the case; we have learned she was a kind, adventurous free spirit greatly loved by her friends and family. Seeing a usually bubbly, waifish, all-American blonde sobbing on video, accused by police of lashing out at her boyfriend, and seemingly helpless to the cruel tragedy that would befall her has undoubtedly elicited sympathy. But despite the fact that Gabby was youthful enough to pass for a seventeen year-old, she was an adult, capable of making her own decisions, as evidenced by the cross-country road trip her parents have attested she'd planned for many months. Most women, at some point in their lives, make terrible mistakes in their choice of romantic partners.....and many of those same women would say they never saw it coming. While some witnesses have described Laundrie as a controlling, possessive boyfriend, there is, at present, nothing to suggest Gabby felt trapped in the relationship, nor were any red flags signaling a potential threat to her life apparent to her or her loved ones. The two had known each other since high school and lived together at Brian's parents' home without incident. Gabby's mother has admitted she was concerned for Gabby's safety as she embarked on her travels, but that she felt at ease because Brian would be with her. Gabby's parents obviously trusted Laundrie. 

Gabby Petito certainly isn't to blame for her own death, nor did she deserve to be murdered. But in order to understand true crime, we must be intellectually honest and recognize that two seemingly contradictory ideas - in this case, that Gabby is an undeserving murder victim AND that she inflicted violence on her fiancé - are not always mutually exclusive. Acceptance of a homicide's contributing elements, as well as the victim's personality defects, doesn't mean condoning of crime nor does it show favoritism toward the perpetrator. Brian Laundrie may have been a sorry boyfriend, but he was not a domestic batterer. He's far worse: he was a coward, a fugitive from justice, and a likely murderer. 

In this post-MeToo era, let us embrace the heightened awareness about sexual abuse the movement has engendered, but guard against any tendency to undermine the principles of Women's Equality by implying a woman is powerless against a domineering man. Doing so only victimizes women further. 

The PDF of the police report from the Moab Incident can be downloaded with a free subscription at https://www.scribd.com/document/525514584/Petito-Redacted

Copyright © (2021) Cynthia Walker. All Rights Reserved.